I’d be lying if I said that those little quotes like that, the ones that decorate every teenage girl’s Myspace page, never made any sense of anything going on in my life. I love those things, as stupid as some of them can seem. The one above, for example, describes everything perfectly to me. I spend so much time chasing after someone I’m in love with. Maybe that is the thing that is bringing me down. If I could find a way to kind of let go of the way I feel (if only for an hour. That’d be an improvement) then I would have it so much easier (or at least I think so) and would be able to think straight, and focus on other things like school, photography, or tennis. I love him to death, I really do, but the way he’s leaving me hanging is holding me back. This needs to go one way or the other.. We’re either something, and so happy and in love like we were two months ago, or we’re just friends… none of this “I love you” or “let’s be together forever” business. To me, that’s false hope. He throws these kind of phrases around sometimes, kind of like he used to. But the difference is the emotion behind the words. As far back as June, he would write so many words that gave me the best feeling of butterflies. Today, he could copy and paste the same phrases into a new message, and I’d be confused. I’d doubt whether or not he even meant these things. It’s funny… I’m just now realizing this, as I sit here typing out the story… It’s me. Not him. This is all going to be a big disaster soon enough… And I do realize how quickly this entry changed course. That’s called rambling, I do it frequently. Especially when I’m in a situation such as this. I’m going to go sort this out. See how it goes. Maybe he’ll understand…
