It’s funny how just a dream (rather a very vivid memory recalled whilst asleep) can completely change your day… That happened today, when I had a dream of last summer and the first boy I ever loved. When I woke up, I was surprised how upset about it I was, even though it was over a year ago. So I wrote this. MondayEyes feedback on it made me feel like it actually didn’t suck.
The clock says four in the morning, and I’m half asleep listening to your heartbeat as I rest my head on your chest and think of what I’ve just done. I snap out of that memory and bite my lip, then fade into another scene earlier that same night. We’re wide awake at one a.m. staring into each other’s eyes, your hands pressed into mine under the covers, as you try and convince me that “tonight could change our lives for the best” It’s now. Everything in me clenches tight as I fade into a later memory of that same night. It’s one fifteen a.m. You turn off the lamp on my bedside table and tell me you love me. Your kisses trick me into believing that I’ll never regret this, but I contradict myself moments later when I take note of my clothes on the floor. But you have me under your spell, and we carry on without a care. Back to reality again. My chest gets heavy, and I cannot breathe when I start to recall that day a month later. I’m alone in my bed, the hot tears streaming down my face, staining my cheeks as I uncontrollably repeat the words “You said you loved me.” My mind plays the events of that day like a film, where the main character is a naive little girl who learns that she is in love with a beautiful liar. Present day. My eyes burn with tears that I still cry for you, a whole year and half after I threw away so much for you. Congratulations, your lies have broken me down to be this cynical ghost of my former self, and you’re perfectly fine knowing that you have ruined my life.
